Stop Living By Default
Three Ways to Do More of What Matters to You
Your life has been moving so fast, it’s hard to keep up. Days go by and you hardly get to even take a breather.
You do so many things, the schedule is full, but wonder whether this is the ‘right’ thing for you.
You wonder if there is more.
You wonder where to go from here.
You don’t want to get swept away by the everyday routines, the obligations, the expectations. You want to live with intent and do more of what really matters to you.
How do you get from life by default — carrying on life ‘as usual’, to a life you design for the greatest impact, meaning, and joy? Here are three ways to live more intentionally:
FOCUS.
You can’t have everything, and that’s okay. You likely don’t really want and need ‘everything’ anyway. If we talk about our hearts truest, deepest desires, they are only a few that we would not trade for anything. Greg McKeown, author of Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, talks about how most of the opportunities we have are actually trivial; there are only a few that are vital. The vital opportunities are the ones we must hold onto and invest ourselves in. When we try to do everything and be everything, we spread ourselves too thin, and burn ourselves out. Being clear about what is essential in our lives gives us the power to direct our energy and efforts toward the kind of impact we want to make for ourselves and others. Everything else distracts us from the few things that really make our lives meaningful.
2. SAY NO.
People find it hard to say ‘No’ for reasons including fear of conflict and not wanting to disappoint. It is easier to replace the ‘no’ with an ‘I’ll try’ or a resigned ‘yes’. Truth is, we all have a limited amount of time, energy, and resources and if we don’t know how to set and protect our boundaries by saying no, we are at great risk of burning out and living tired and overstretched lives. We risk hustling to do many things, but not seeing the results that we want. By saying ‘no’ to things/events/people/opportunities that are not aligned with what matters most to us, we can say YES with conviction and confidence to the life we want. Pursuing what we really want has many trade-offs (some more difficult than others), but they will be worth it.
3. PAUSE OFTEN.
There is a pause before reacting to a trigger. There is a pause at mid-morning, midday, evening to rest and recover. There is a pause in the midst of joy and celebration to soak it all in. There is a pause when you land a milestone day/year/season to recalibrate and re-align. Not all pauses look the same, but they have the same impact — bringing you to an inner space where you can make choices that are right for you. Without these pauses, we tend to jump from activity to activity, filling our days with busy, and running on auto-pilot. We may eventually find ourselves getting to the top of a ladder, but on the wrong wall.
This is not a dress rehearsal. We only have one chance to create something that’s worth it. Not a life that is perfect, or a life with the most accolades or awards. But a life that, to us, is so worth it.
If it feels like you’re on a life treadmill, running but remaining in the same space no matter how fast you go/work/hustle, you can step off. You can do something to pivot toward a more intentional life.
Originally written on July 11, 2019
