How to Make Sense of 2020
Change & transition insights to help you through the rest of the year
Back at the beginning of January, we were entering not just a new year, but celebrating a new decade. Done with 2019, some of you were looking forward to a banner year, maybe even declaring that 2020 is gonna be YOUR year.
Well, this is how January and this new decade actually unfolded for the world. We experienced a series of unfortunate events: the bushfires in Australia, earthquake in Turkey, a passenger plane was shot down Iran, locust invasion in East Africa, flooding in Jakarta, the tragic helicopter crash that killed Kobe Bryant, daughter, and friends that shocked a lot of people, whether his fans or not. Here in the Philippines, plumes came out of the Taal volcano, people from the surrounding areas evacuated, and citizens mobilized to help. Ash reached some parts of Manila and there was a sudden need for N95 masks. Coronavirus was just an outbreak in Wuhan.
While the month of January felt long and problematic, what we didn’t realize was that January was really just a front act to what we’ve all been experiencing so far.
The ways that the world is working have so drastically changed.
We share this collective pandemic experience. All over the world, countries have gone on lockdown. Healthcare systems are collapsing. Governments have been making tough calls and grappling with how to run entire countries and preserve economies.
We also have very unique experiences of this. Our experiences are very different. Even people living in the same household are going through this differently. There are 7.8 billion ways this plays out. I remember reading a widely shared post online about everyone “being in the same storm, but not in the same boat.”
How do we make sense of something like this? How do we bounce back? Where do we even start to bounce back from a pandemic or any sort of crisis for that matter?
Core to understanding this experience is looking at how well we are dealing with CHANGE. I borrow from the Change Management playbook and organizational consultant William Bridges.
Change & Transition
Change is an event. It is objective and clear-cut. Change happens to us either by choice or by circumstance. It is very straightforward.
The big change is this pandemic. And triggered all sorts of other little changes like a cue ball — all different levels and labels for quarantine, the travel bans, the work from home arrangements, the suspension of all our usual activities as we know it.
The Greek philosopher Heraclitus points out: ‘There is nothing permanent but change.’ We all encounter Change in big and small ways every day. I’d say we are pretty familiar with it.
What we probably are not mindful of is the tricky part which is actually not the change itself. It’s the TRANSITION that accompanies change, and from which we are not exempt.
If change is a situational event, TRANSITION is a psychological experience. It’s the messy part that has to do with feelings — not facts — which is not the same for all.
In short, it’s the process that has to happen INSIDE you in order to move forward.
The word transition comes from the root word, transit: a voyage from one place to another.
There’s a map for this voyage. Rather than feel lost, we can navigate around this transition space with more confidence. It’s unnerving to be without a map, guide (or wifi for Waze!) in unfamiliar territory.
So where do we begin?
Transition starts with an ending and finishes with a beginning. — William Bridges
Ending, Losing, Letting Go
The first zone of Transition is the departure zone of ‘Ending, Losing, and Letting Go’. Marked with emotions from the negative end of the spectrum, it’s no fun. There’s a lot of resistance coming from being shoved out of our comfort zones by change.
It’s typical to feel afraid in this zone when there is overwhelming uncertainty around health, work, and anything else that matters. There can be denial over the situation or a stubborn refusal to accept things you can’t do for now/anymore. Anger shows up and we can start to feel easily triggered by things we could otherwise let pass. We can feel frustrated when we don’t get the answers we need and want and throw our own version of tantrums. You might be overcome with sadness or a sense of loss over what is gone or different.
An expert on grief, David Kessler, speaks of anticipatory grief or that feeling we get about what the future holds when we’re uncertain. When we’re afraid, and we’re not even sure what it looks like. Elizabeth Kubler Ross, a pioneer on grief, teaches us that the stages of grief end with Acceptance. To move past the Ending zone takes acceptance. We have to accept that something is ending before we can begin to move to what’s next. If the not-so-nice emotions in this zone are not acknowledged, there is a risk of being resistant all throughout this process that can happen very gradually.
“Emotional agility means being aware and accepting of all your emotions, even learning from the most difficult ones.” — Susan David
Emotional agility will allow us to know and accept our emotions and learn from them. It would be much easier to bottle up emotions and push the discomfort away and jump back to being “productive”, but they might just reappear when we least expect. Another way to cope might be to brood and think and think our way out. This may not really help in the long run, not to mention toxic for people around.
What might help in this zone:
1) Express and acknowledge the feelings.
2) Get support.
3) Do things that are fun and energizing for you.
4) Define what’s over and what isn’t.
Neutral Zone
The second zone is the Neutral Zone. People in this zone are often confused, uncertain, and impatient. It might seem like there’s little or no progress in whatever it is we are working on.
This phase is the bridge between the old and the new. There’s still an attachment to the old ways, but there is effort in trying on the new. Still, it feels like limbo. There’s a temporariness to the experience. We know we are not quite “there” yet.
Imagine a trapeze artist who has jumped off the platform. She has swung to the middle and has grabbed onto the next bar with one hand. She is hanging in mid-air, still steadying her grip, building the confidence to tighten the grip with both hands, and release her legs of the first bar. That moment in-between is the neutral zone.
While there are some uncomfortable emotions here, this is also the zone for creativity, innovation & renewal. It’s a great time to ask ourselves powerful questions and try new ways of thinking.
When we question our own assumptions, revisit our goals, our values, and even our identity, we can come out with a deeper understanding of ourselves and reorientation toward what is meaningful. This is the gift of the Neutral Zone underneath the confusion and uncertainty.
It’s important to understand this because:
1) You might just rush through it to get to the next zone. You may mistakenly conclude that something is wrong with you since nothing seems to be happening (yet). There’s nothing wrong with you.
2) You may be too scared and try to escape by making rash decisions and giving up on things/people/opportunities without having to.
3) You might miss a great opportunity.
This period of exploration is not wasted on meaningless waiting and confusion, even if it can feel like that. A reorientation just needs to happen in order to move forward. The clarity will come, so it is important to be patient with ourselves most especially.
‘Confusion is a word we have invented for an order which is not yet understood.’ — Henry Miller
What might help in this zone:
1) Revisit goals, priorities, values.
2) Find quick wins.
3) Be kind to yourself.
New Beginnings
The third zone is New Beginning zone, which is a time of acceptance and energy. It is when people have started to embrace what’s next. The renewed energy to build new skills and habits comes from that ‘re-charging’ that happens during the neutral zone. Perhaps, also from seeing some early wins from efforts.
Starts involve new situations. Beginnings involve new understandings, new values, new attitudes, and — most of all — new identities. — William Bridges
The real new beginnings only happen after a period of exploring and questioning and swimming through the confusion. Though it might not always make sense while we’re in the thick of things, it will make sense in hindsight.
What might help in this zone:
1) Start small, don’t burn out.
2) Revisit longer-term plans in time, when things are in a more steady state.
3) Still, be patient with yourself.
Transitioning well
Know that people don’t go through these zones in a linear way. In fact, we can be simultaneously in one zone for an area in our life, say, career, but be in another when it comes to relationships. It’s also possible to go back to Endings, after some time in the Neutral zone.
While some transition faster than others, we can’t fully transition unless we have navigated through all three zones. Rushing through them won’t help. Unlike change, which is quick and immediate, remember that transitions take time.
Lastly, people don’t transition at the same pace, so be mindful of others and their experience, no matter how different it may be from yours.
If we are able to transition well, then we would have made the most of the neutral zone. We have new mindsets and identities that can help us with whatever comes next.
Originally written on June 28, 2020
